April fool's day UK style

Richard Binney

10:49 AM (33 minutes ago)

to meAmandaAmeliaAshleyBonnieBriannaCharlieElizabethFrancineJaclynJillianJinyiJulieSameerVictoriaVictoriaAlexandraMaureenKyle

Dear all,

I have some sudden and unanticipated news. I just received a phone call from HM government and I have to return to the UK with immediate effect to honor a civil duty as a royally –appointed electoral overseer. I will be taking a flight this evening and have to report for briefing by the Duke of Edinburgh at Buckingham Palace on Wednesday morning. You may be aware from the News that our government was officially dissolved on Monday as a marker of the beginning of the electoral campaign and voting process which will conclude on May 7th.

This civil duty, much like jury duty, is mandatory and so unavoidable. I hate to have to leave you to your own devices during this busy testing and training time, but I’m certain that you will be fine and things will run smoothly. I will endeavor to oversee from afar but opportunities to communicate will be few and far between. Dr Reilly will fully up-to-date on project progress and will obviously be here to answer any questions you may have.

Whilst mandatory, it is also a great honor for which I am very excited. Being selected for this process is highly coveted and a rare opportunity with which most UK citizens are not privileged. As a royally-appointed overseer I will be stationed in residence at her majesty’s parliamentary building where as I am responsible as part of a team recruited from all over the nation to oversee the legality and validity of campaign processes and votes received on May 7th. This means that I will be present to observe the campaign activities of the political party leaders, including the Prime Minister himself. On May 7th I will be stationed at the ornate voting hall in the Houses of Parliament to receive votes from UK constituent voters. This promises to be a very exciting experience as I have a part in fulfilling an age-old tradition by which a representative of each and every constituency in the UK delivers by horse and hand, the votes of each region in Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Voting summaries are delivered on folded parchment with a wax royal seal. It will be my duty to receive representatives, open the parchment, record and validate its contents. I am then responsible for delivering this parchment into a ceremonial fire pit, a tradition which relates to voting privacy laws of days past. This will all be televised and I and fellow overseers will be dressed in ceremonial gowns. 

Again, I’m really sorry to leave you for this Month, but it is unavoidable and I am very excited to be part of it.

Very best